I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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