people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
