I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
