we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
