ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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