I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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