Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
