I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
