last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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