just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
