but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
