so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
