So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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