just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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