Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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