I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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