Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
