you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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