she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
