Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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