It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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