I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
