We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
