why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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