i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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