I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
