He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
