Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
