girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
