im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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