There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We had sex on a dog bed..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
