ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
