i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
