This is not my ceiling
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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