so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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