He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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