i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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