i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
