We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
