my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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