her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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