Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
