Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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