I am in a vortex of obligation.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
