i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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