I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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