I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
