it wasn't lemon gatorade
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
