Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
