I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
