you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
