I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
