We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
