That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
God I need to hump something, right now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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