im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
