my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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