I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
