Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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