I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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