the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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