Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
