dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
