Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
