What did we do last night that was yellow?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
