found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you didnt know i had herpes?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
