I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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