we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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