Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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