My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
