well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
