the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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