....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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