I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
