Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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