I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
