Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
